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Rat (Pearl Before Swine)
Rat is the cynical, megalomaniac antagonist who lives with his best friend Pig and Guard Duck. Some of his adventures include running for city council, working as a sarcastic barista at Joe's Roastery, writing false press stories for the New York Times, and creating his own comic strip before being sued for his obvious plagiarism. History Early Days Little is known about Rat's history, but it is known that most of his relatives were deceased prior to the beginning of the strip. He eventually found a household and shared it with Pig. It is unknown if the comic strip Rat is considered to be part of this timeline or not, so this could possibly count as his early days (Bradbury Road, however, is not since Rat is essentially a regular rat with a few human characteristics in the strip). In the Household :"No. 1......Be rich. No.2......Be famous. That's where I got stuck." :—Rat listing his priorities in life Rat, ambitious, planned from the start to be rich and famous. He discussed with Pig various topics, such as death, the meaning of life, and immortality. He found Pig to be maddeningly stupid and was often infuriated by him, just as their friend Goat felt relative to the pair. He eventually acquired the first of many jobs, which was writing greeting cards, which ended up filled with cynical, pessimistic thoughts of his. He also founded a new philosophy, titled cheezepuffology, which stated that since "nothing you dream ever comes true, so you might as well live in front of the TV and scarf cheeze-puffs." Cap O'Immortality :"As long as I'm wearing it, I cannot die." :"How do you know that?" :"I've had it on for ten minutes, and you're no angel." :"I wouldn't be looking for angels." :"Well, nobody's poked me with a pitchfork." :—Rat and Pig, discussing the Cap O'Immortality After buying an ant habitat populated by rude ants, Rat discovered an odd hat at a used clothing store. Claiming that the wearer could not possibly die as long as the cap was on, Rat attempted dangerous feats, such as running back and forth across the highway and jumping off the roof. Eventually, Rat discarded the Cap O'Immortality, saying that even if he lived forever, he would be bored entertaining a dead pig on a sofa. The Fruit Buddies :"Hey, where's the fruit I left on the counter? It's time for our 'Fruit Buddies' meeting." :"Mmmmmm....fruit shake...SLUUUUUUURP....." :—Pig and Rat Rat, searching for a job, failed a consecutive string of job interviews, looking for a job where he could "make good money but still contribute to society." Pig, meanwhile, had started an organization comprised of himself and fruits that he claimed were sentient, but Rat expressed his ignorance, first by eating Georgie Grape, then wiping them out with a fruit shake. Pig was then deprived of the last of his friends, Petey Potato, by Rat's serving of homemade French Fries. Rat's Jobs :"I like to take people's hard-earned money and provide no valuable service in return." :"Wouldn't pickpocketing be simpler?" :—Rat and Goat on Rat's job as a stockbroker Rat began a program that contained people that were useless and annoying to society inside a small form of containment, such as a box. The Box O'Stupid People was followed up by the Pit O'Useless Blowhards and the Wagon O'Shame. After creating an award show contest called the WALLIES (We All Love Little Intelligent Engaging ratS) and buying a voodoo doll representing Pig, Rat successfully gained a job as a marriage counselor, and then one as a stockbrocker, where he could "take people's hard-earned money and provide no valuable service in return," which operated by having drunk monkeys pick stocks. Since then Rat has held many occupations, such as a minimum wage cashier at Joe's Roastery, an attorney (representing both of Zebra's carnivirous neighbors, the crocs and the lions), and the superhero Egoman. Bildert :"Just 'cause I do a strip that sounds '''vaguely' like some other strip is no reason to accuse me of ripping some guy off."'' :"I'm sorry.....I didn't mean that. So who's his little friend?" :"That's his dog, Bogdert." :—Rat and pig, discussing Rat's new comic strip Rat began drawing a comic strip called "Bildert," which was a rip-off of the "Dilbert" strip. He was sued by Dilbert's author, Scott Adams, and apparently lost. Undeterred, he devised another philosophy, called unthinkology, even though he was almost thrown out by the landlord. Another attempt at a job was to become a talk show host, but after it failed to show anyone remotely famous, it was replaced by a cheerleading show. Farina :"Farina, I think I'm starting to fall in love with you." :—Rat on his feelings towards Farina Rat fell in love with Pig's germophobic sister, Farina, that was so afraid of germs that she lived in a plastic bubble. Unfortunately, Farina's father forced them to break up because Rat was not a "bubble boy." Tragedy-struck, Rat began writing a serial called The Adventures of Angry Bob, in which Bob was continuously killed off and revived. Farina appeared twice after this, both times breaking Rat's tiny little heart again. Running for City Council :"My opponent refuses to debate me." :"I heard your opponent is dead." :"He has a lot of excuses." :—Rat and Goat on Rat's opponent After waging a war with the dryer and staying for a short period at a beach-side hotel, Rat chose to run for city council, as his only opponent was deceased. Advocating the invasion of Mexico and ending up faking his own death, Rat was crushed in the election by 101,036 votes. Box Me In! :"I've decided to exploit fat people by crating a bogus weight-loss scheme that involves no exercise and promises great results." :—Rat to Goat on Box Me In! Rat devised a bogus, three-hundred-dollar, weight-loss program: shutting oneself in a plastic box. The nation responded greatly to the product, but Rat was once again sued. The result of the hearings is unknown. First Death :"...So Saint Peter wouldn't let you into heaven?" :"No. He said I was bad." :"Well, now that you know that your actions have consequences, what kind of things are you going to avoid from now on?" :"Death." :—Goat and Rat on Rat's near-death experience Rat, having had his eyes dilated, required the assistance of Pig while crossing the street. Unfortunately, he was hit by a car and died, waking up in heaven. St. Peter declared him unworthy of heaven and condemned him to hell, but allowed Rat to have a look around. Luckily, Rat was revived by doctors, and awoke in a hospital. Rat's Ventures :"What is my future, Rat the Magnificent?" :"Someone will scam you out of a hundred dollars. Next!" :—Rat predicting Pig's future, which costs Pig one hundred dollars After having a disgusting encounter on a plane trip, attempting to export immigrants from America, writing a self-help book, and undergoing depression counseling, Rat resumed his former job as a marriage counselor, and was temporarily inspired by a flamingo who wanted to be a dog, as unlike flamingos, do not mate for life. Later, Rat and Pig were caught on a deserted island after the sinking of their cruise ship, but were picked up after a time. After becoming a self-proclaimed mystic, Rat created a "Dream Suppressor," which was a collar worn around the neck that distracted you from happy dreams that would not come true, as well as advertising "Dr. Rat" audiotapes that helped men understand women in social situations, but were apparently a rip-off of a book that Rat had previously read. He also gained a job as a telemarketer. The Pearls Labor Dispute :"I'm leaving!" :—Rat leaves the strip Rat, after deciding that the author of Pearls, Stephan Pastis, was incapable of drawing food, Rat left for the Family Circus strip. This spawned many more walk-outs, leaving almost no characters. Eventually, he decided to return, as he was unable to be content in any other strips. Nuclear Missile Dispute :"I've got the bomb, Floyd." :Rat to his neighbor Floyd After finding a job in a fast-food restaurant, Rat gained a nuclear missile from the Russians, who were selling their stockpile of nuclear weapons. Rat used it to intimidate his next-door neighbor Floyd, whose kumquat tree was dropping fruits on Rat's lawn. Floyd responded with a nuclear missile of his own, but, after deciding that it would be unwise to end the world over kumquats, they dropped the subject, and Floyd's wife used the missiles to drape clotheslines on. As a New York Times Reporter "This is ridiculous. You can't write a story from Baghdad if you're not really there." ' ---Goat ridiculing Rat's fraud reporting. In a storyline from 7-14-2003 to 7-18-2003, Rat worked as a foreign correspondent reporter who was supposed to be in Baghdad in which he made up fraudulent stories about Saddam Hussein and other Iraqi officials. He left the "New York Times" to work for a tabloid newspaper because he wanted to expose more than "New York Times" would. However, he hated the tabloid job because he couldn't make up quotes and find actual sources of a story instead of making up your own. He did state that the "missed "The Times". Rat's later 2003 Ventures ''"The Adventures of Angry Bob A Big Fat Tale O' Woe" '' ''---The opening of an August 2003 Angry Bob. From August to December 2003, Rat's minor jobs included selling T-shirts exploiting people's dumbness, writing Angry Bob tales, working at a strict computer business, working as a Feng Shui (see Feng Shui) and working as a book store information desk worker (see Information desk). Controlling Connie "Rat just sent me this letter saying I'm no longer his friend." '' ''"Yeah...I got that too...I guess Connie's controlling his choice of friends now." '' ---Zebra and Pig discussing Connie and her dictator-persona attitude. From 9-29-2003 to 10-3-2003, Rat dated another rat whose nickname was "Controlling Connie". She was choosing his choice of friends, even choosing his mom for him. She was constantly calling him to check on him every so often, putting out a schedule that even a sneeze would violate. According to Rat, he left her because he realized, "that you should never let anyone control your life, no matter how badly you want a girlfriend". Pig's Fish Pig bought fish with names like Hope, Dreams, and Truth. Rat made Pig get rid of A Little Integrity when it couldn't get along with Rat's fish Commercial Success. Dickie the Cockroach Dickie is another of rat's attempts to create a comic strip. Dickie brutaly kidnaps dumb pepole (he used to decapinate them) but then Dickie comes alive and takes the title charachter from "chathy" prisoner. Personality and Characteristics :"I wanna be immortal."'' :"That's how I think of you." :"Thanks, Goat." :Later... :"Immortal with a 'T'." :"That won't be as easy for you." :—Rat and Goat Rat is a mean, rude, con-artist rat who enjoys scamming people and trying to prove he is a genius. He constantly annoys his friend Goat and almost always gets mad at Pig for his constant stupidity. But despite that, Rat does have a softer side, as shown when he had a crush on Pig's sister Farina, and it broke his heart when they broke up. Rat likes to watch TV and write. He also spends a lot of time on the computer, using the internet frequently. His favorite site is the Comics Curmudgeon. Relationships Pig Pig is Rat's roommate and the two are fond of each other, even though Rat considers Pig an idiot and regularly beats him up. Goat Goat is one of the few characters that sees Rat as a nuisance. He often gets mad at Rat for not understanding things and trying to prove it his way. But even if he does get mad at Rat, Goat sometimes seeks his advice, as seen when Rat attempted to help Goat with girls. Zebra Zebra, another of Rat's friends, is often ridiculed by Rat when he sees or hears about one of Zebra's relatives and makes fun of it. As seen in one strip where Rat and Pig visit Safari Bob and find Zebra's Cousin's head mounted on a wall, and Rat 'breaks' the news to Zebra by ding-dong-and-ditching his door with Zebra's Cousin's head on the doorstep. Farina Farina was a former girlfriend of Rat. She has seen Rat's softer side and loved him, until they broke up and she got married to a male pig and had a kid. Rat always wished he was with her again, and attempted to ask her out again, until by accident he called the husband and resulted in the husband trying to murder Rat. But he had another chance when Farina and her husband broke up. But, he didn't take it, and never went out with her again, though it is revealed that in his room he has pictures of her everywhere. Female Rats Rat has been seen flirting with female rats in strips until he does something that gets him dumped. Only once did one of Rat's relationships have an unknown ending. Trivia *Rat was originally the star character in a comic strip titled Rat which Pastis created in his college days. While it originally only featured Rat, it was eventually reworked to include another character: Poe, a "blob o' nothing" Rat's best friend. It was rejected by several syndicates for being too dark and depressing. *Rat was also a character in another early strip by Pastis titled Bradbury Road. It followed the life of ten year old Gus, a socially awkward boy who lives with his divorced mother and is befriended by the cynical Rat. Like Rat, it too was rejected. *He sold grains of sand to people thinking it was the same concept as selling stars. And made a fortune off of others' stupidity. *Rat has dated the most girls in the entire strip. *He has also been rejected by the most girls in the strip. *Rat was the first character created in the strip. *Rat has the record for the most jobs in Pearls (Coffee man, Pizza guy, worker at a Taco store, etc) *Rat causes the most amount of trouble in the strip. *Rat is the only main character to go to Comic Jail, and REAL jail, along with pig. *When Rat dies, he can come right back, as Hell is located in their basement. *Rat has been known to swear in the strip, as he has said "Hell" multiple times, and during the "A Famine", he said "D mn". Category:Animals Category:Male Category:Anti Hero Category:Redeemed Villains Category:Comic Book Heroes Category:Fortune Hunters Category:Tricksters Category:Heroic Jerks Category:Egomaniacs Category:Heroic Misanthropes